“I can barely wait…”

That was the theme of my pre-retirement life. Pre-school Jennie: “I can barely wait to start school.” School-age Jennie: “I can barely wait to be out of school and earning money.” Work-age Jennie: “I can barely wait to retire.”

Here I am now, a theme-less retiree. What comes after retirement? “I can barely wait to die.” I’m not there yet. I have no fear of death. I have some concerns as to what precipitates my death, but I know that death is inevitable so it would be a waste of my hard-earned retirement time to fear it.

There are specific events that continue to merit “I can barely wait” like seeing friends, going on a trip, receiving retirement pay; but, they don’t merit theme status. They’re too fleeting.

It may be that the real theme of my pre-retirement life was anticipation of what the future promised. I missed seeing a whole lot of the “here and now” because I was focusing on the “what’s to come.”

Retirement provides the opportunity for a more Zen-like existence; more “extant,” less “existential.” I can enjoy how good the sunshine feels on my neck NOW. Oh baby, it really feels good! It beats the heck out of, “I can barely wait to get those injections in my neck that lead me through a gateway of increased pain, and may or may not allow me to arrive at less pain than before the journey began.” Om… I don’t know if Zen practitioners say “Om” but I do know that the sunshine on my neck feels wonderful!

The injections were a bust. They “aborted” the procedure when my blood pressure decided to bid them farewell. That was after they took my “co-pay.” They get their money up front. That was yesterday. Sunshine is free and today it is shining on my sore neck. Life is good!