Wheel-of-Fortune

I obtained a passport approximately ten years ago. I’ve never used it. During the application process, the postal worker helping me asked if I had any travel plans. I told her no, but explained that I was a “Wheel Watcher.” Ten years ago, Wheel-of-Fortune gave away trips to Wheel Watchers who signed on to the Wheel-of-Fortune website within 24 hours of their Wheel Watcher ID being displayed during an episode. I was an early Wheel Watcher enrollee (my Wheel Watcher ID is something like JT0000000000003). I watched the show faithfully, but I never won a trip. My passport has sat unused and is approaching its expiration date. Wheel-of-Fortune has since discontinued the nightly opportunity for those of us out in the home audience to win a trip. Drat. Happily I have my little RV and there’s lots to see during retirement right here in my country. Heck, there’s lots to see in my state. Life is good.

If my life were a Wheel-of-Fortune episode, it might include the following puzzles:

• People – TRAILER TRASH (our son threatened to entitle his college entrance essay, “The Little White Trash that Could”)
• Place – SHE SHED CITY
• Rhyme time – RETIRE BEFORE YOU TIRE
• What are you doing? – HOPING TO WIN A TRIP SO THAT I CAN USE MY PASSPORT BEFORE IT EXPIRES
• What are you not doing? – WINNING A TRIP
• Prize puzzle – TOO MUCH ZUCCHINI (Jim would explain that I’ve won an expense-less trip to my backyard to pick more zucchini than could possibly be consumed by one family; however, in an attempt to do so, meals provided will include such delicacies as zucchini bread, zucchini muffins, zucchini frittata, fried zucchini, grilled zucchini and of course they’ll be served with refreshing zucchini smoothies and zucchini cocktails.)

After numerous successful spins I would choose to spin just one more time (even though I know the answer) in order to get to the next meaningful monetary milestone, and BOOM, I hit “LOSE A TURN.” It’s not a luck thing; it’s just where the wheel stops. The frustration sets in when the next player spins one time, lands on the one kazillion dollar space, calls a letter, and there are four of that letter in the puzzle. The person then correctly solves the puzzle. They use their winnings to buy a small tax-sheltered tropical island. The moral of the episode’s story is that a bird in hand is worth a kazillion in the bush. Really, I don’t want to hold a bird (it seems kind of cruel to the bird). The moral of the story, for me, could be that not spinning when you know the answer is better than birds, regardless of number or location. No that doesn’t sound right. The moral of the story could be, be happy with what you’ve got, because really, we have so much.

When I last spun the wheel-of-life, I landed on “RETIREMENT.” It’s like hitting the jackpot. It includes an abundance of zucchini, time to watch Wheel-of-Fortune, and a desire to see my Country. I like zucchini; I have a little RV with which to travel around my Country; and, I don’t have to watch Wheel-of-Fortune if I don’t want to. Life is abundantly good!