Super Powers

My grandson, Nathan, told me that their cat, May-May, is able to coax cat treats from him by using her “cat-cuteness powers.” My cat, Cinnamon, has superior people-training powers. She has trained me to throw her mousy toys at specific times everyday, and for a duration she determines. She, too, invokes her “cat-cuteness powers” in her human behavior manipulation practices. Super-powers seem to be much more available to animals than to humans.

While working, I wished I had super powers. I wished I could cast a magic net of reason that would allow tasks to be completed with the cooperation of all required participants. Alas, it was never to be. I wished that while in meetings, I could gaze upon specific individuals with silencing-sight stares allowing others input that would prepare the waters of discussion for the casting of my magic net of reason. Sadly, my magic net of reason rotted in a shed in the recesses of the forest of my imagination. Meetings dragged on with unintelligible, irrelevant babble obliterating any chance of the implementation of meaningful action. So I retired.

In retirement, I have continued to wish for super powers. While my husband was ill, I wished for the power to grant sight and insight to the seemingly blind medical professionals who cared for him. I realized that their sight had been lost to the pressures of too many patients, and too much bureaucracy . The pressure effectively extruded their problem-solving, diagnosing and deductive capabilities leaving only time for reliance on prescriptive care guidelines that failed to allow for the rare and unusual. So he died.

Since his death, I have traveled the widow’s path, that can be scary, and has, again, left me craving super powers. I wish for laser vision to obliterate con men and unethical repair people from the planet. Okay, this one might be too violent for someone who considers herself a pacifist. Let me re-evaluate my super-power desire. Hmmm, maybe I will wish for the power to immerse individuals in a pool of empathy. I would be able to hold down really bad people just a little longer (not water-boarding duration, but close) than those who are not as evilly exploitative. Since lack of empathy is a characteristic of psychopaths, I could use my empathy-pool-immersion power to improve the complexion of society and decrease the number of serial killings. I live in a desert where pools of water are few and far between, so I’m going to revise my wish and wish for empathy-laser vision. I would gaze upon evil politicians with my empathy-laser vision recasting them as true representatives of their constituents. I would gaze upon the repairman sent to my home to repair my garage door opener who would then provide me with a fair estimate. It would result in an improvement to the current state of affairs, both nationally and personally. I don’t think I could use it on telemarketers, because the laser vision might destroy my phone, and those things are expensive. Shoot, I’m not sure I could use it on politicians either, because my current exposure to politicians is via the television. While televisions are much less expensive than cellphones, it could get very messy and labor intensive having to clean up laser-vision-obliterated televisions. As of today, my televisions are safe because I’m super-powerless.

The days of my teen-age-girl-cuteness powers, that allowed me to talk my way out of traffic tickets are long past. I’m happy that cat-cuteness powers are not age-related and subject to age-discrimination like people-cuteness super powers. I’m happy for cats. Cats’ lives are good. I should stop feeling sorry for myself and realize that my life is good too. The current political climate remains in need of super-power repair (as does my garage door opener).