Here it is the last week in May, and I have been deeply entrenched in socially-distanced self pity. I am not proud of this, so I thought I would share it with those of you who read my blog. My life continues to be a strand of contradictions strung around my neck for all to see.
Monday was the first Memorial Day since Phil entered the land of those who are memorialized on Memorial Day. I went to the cemetery on Sunday, to beat the Monday crowds. I took flowers for Phil, and for my many relatives who also rest at Sunset Memorial Park. Unlike when I was confused by the lack of Memorial Day memorializers when I, always the rebel, celebrated Memorial Day on Labor Day back in September, there were flags at each Veteran’s grave, and masked people scattered through the park carrying flowers. I tried to talk to Phil, my Mom and Dad, and the many others, but couldn’t come up with much to say. My standard greeting became, “You are remembered.” It’s weak, but it’s all I had.
I did point out to Phil, that the roses near his spot in the park were blooming. Since our 43rd wedding anniversary was coming up, I also told him “Happy Anniversary.” Again, it was weak, but it was all I had. I came home and cried. I don’t even know why. Maybe it was the timing. Maybe it was the perfect setting for a party of the self-pity variety: socially distanced.
I celebrated our anniversary by ordering a curb-side to-go steak dinner. I probably should have left it on the curb. The steak was so tough that I choked on it. I tried to wash it down with my anniversary-celebrating Margarita, but the Margarita made a quick reappearance via my nose. Before cleaning up the Margarita mess, I laughed and laughed. It was the perfect tribute to Phil and my marriage: lots of tough times and lots of laughter. So, I’m going to choose to remember times of laughter; times with friends and family; the good times. I’m going to choose to forget the Margarita coming out of my nose (it was not comfortable). Please join me in sending wishes for love and joy to your friends and family, because LIFE is good.
Roses are blooming all around Phil’s resting place.